Announcing Your Pregnancy To Others Trying To Conceive
For years I idea that getting pregnant was a simple and snappy process, as easy as missing a birth control pill or not using a condom. It wasn’t until I suffered a miscarriage in 2006 that I became aware of the number of couples who deal with infertility on a daily basis. I now know many women who have suffered miscarriages or ectopic pregnancies or have been trying for months if not years to carry a child. Sometimes it is hard to know the best way to encourage friends when they are going through these struggles. I became pregnant 5 months after my miscarriage, which is really a short time for many people. For me, those 5 months were some of the longest of my life. One of the hardest things to deal with was finding out that friends or acquaintances were expecting while I was still grieving. When I finally did become pregnant, I had to share my news with a few friends who I knew were hurting from their own losses or infertility. It was through these experiences that I learned a little about handling this delicate situation.
Tell them personally. It is so tempting to try to keep a secret to spare someone’s feelings. This is not the time for that. When you decide to announce the pregnancy, tell your friends, but do it sensitively and in private. The news will definitely bring them some pain, but it would be worse if they found out from someone else. They already have enough to deal, they don’t need to expect whether their friendship is of value to you. Also, telling them in private gives them a chance to deal with the emotions that arise. This way, there is no one else around to gush about you and leave them out, or worse no one to ask when they are going to have a baby.
Be honest. Tell them that you have something to share. Explain that you understand this may be a difficult time for them and you want them to know you are sensitive to that.
Don’t go overboard on details. While it is best to be honest, you don’t have to share every detail of the conception and pregnancy up to this point. Things like “we weren’t even trying” or “we just stopped birth control” sound much different to a woman trying to conceive. When they hear those comments they feel like something is terrible wrong with them. Why, if you got pregnant so easily, are they having a difficult time? It’s best to just spare them the “I don’t know how it happened” speech. On the other hand, maybe you were trying and it finally happened for you. No matter the situation, there is always the opportunity for comparison, so leaving out details will abet eliminate some of that.
Let them lead. Since you are pregnant, you should be able to understand firsthand the complexity of emotions. Realize that your friend may feel something different each time they are around you because of the struggle with their have emotions. If they ask questions about the pregnancy then share, but understand that one day they may want to see the ultrasound describe and the next day won’t make ogle contact with your belly. Its okay to show off the nursery or your new baby gifts if you are asked! One sensitive area is the shower. If it is someone you would normally invite, talk to them about it. Explain that they are important to you and you don’t want to leave them out. Ask if it would make them uncomfortable to come to your shower. I was 6 months pregnant with my daughter when my sister had an early miscarriage. She had planned to advance to every shower, but one of them was within 2 weeks of losing her baby. I called her and said that I understood if she didn’t feel up to coming. She decided it was too much emotionally and decided to skip that one.
Show interest in their life. Remember why you were friends in the first place. You probably have other things in common than the desire for a child, so don’t forget that. Ask about their family, career, even hobbies. Encourage them in these areas. It is healthy to invent other interests and as a friend you can wait on to nurture that.
What all of these tips have in common is sensitivity and unselfishness. Communication can go a long way in any situation. Just try to be kind and understanding and your friendship will survive. In fact, you may find that by supporting one another you obtain the bond even stronger than before.
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Filed under Tips For Getting Pregnant by on Dec 13th, 2011. 